 photo credit: © Natalia Balcerska Photograph |
Domestic violence is an age old problem that is only now beginning to be addressed in western cultures. Unfortunately women in other countries are not so fortunate. In some countries women still live in fear that a step out of line could result in serious injury or even death.
This article can really only help women in western cultures where legislation has been put in place to try and minimise risk in a domestic situation. If a woman can learn the warning signs of future domestic violence then perhaps she can avoid a relationship or even get out of a relationship she may already be involved in before it becomes violent.
Unfortunately abusive behaviour no matter how many promises are made, is not usually corrected without professional help, and that person concerned must be willing to take on board the counselling. So just be aware that the usual promise of ‘I’m sorry, I won’t do it again’ doesn’t hold water, and it won’t be long until a similar incident takes place again. Knowing what to look out for will help you avoid possible injury and could even be lifesaving.
One of the first warning signs of a person tending towards being a domestic violence offender, is that they have a quick temper and when upset punch walls or throw things about the room usually with no regard to their value or the destruction of sentimental property. An emotional upset is demonstrated physically.
Anyone who is habitually cruel to animals especially cats and dogs, is in a high risk class for domestic violence, as is a person who is a substance abuser, i.e. habitually abuses alcohol or drugs.
Another warning sign is someone who likes always to be in control and bosses their spouse. It has to be their way, or the highway. If your partner is continually checking up on you and displays a lack of trust for no good reason, then watch out. If you are not allowed to have friends, or your friends are chosen for you, you are at high risk.
For example, if you’re attracted to a man who always gets his own way by being the dominant person in his group of male friends and intimidates others to do things his way, (the alpha male scenario, the likeable rogue), then sooner or later when he doesn’t get his way with you, you will get the same treatment. Most women think they will be able to change their man, but most find this to be a delusion.
It may work for a while at the beginning of the relationship, but it won’t last long. Old habits soon reassert themselves and you’ve got a problem.
Another warning sign is a personality that in one instance may react with extreme kindness and generosity, but can swing just as quickly at a moments notice to cruelty and anger. To use a layman’s terms, (the all sugar or all shit personality).
Another warning sign in a man is someone who has a strong idea about family rules that must be adhered to. This is the person who will drive off on you if you are not in the car when he says to be, or is always talking about getting even with someone for the slightest perceived offence.
Before getting involved in a relationship it is worth looking at your proposed partner’s domestic background. If your partner, especially a man, comes from a family where there are obvious signs of continual domestic violence, research has shown that people who observe this kind of behaviour usually turn to the same type of behaviour when they are angry.
As I mentioned before, these types of behaviour can be treated, or unlearned. However please don’t think you can do this alone. This type of change can only be tackled professionally and usually involves psychological counseling with the consent of the offender. Unless you’re absolutely prepared to go down this road, the advice is to walk away before you become too involved.
If it’s too late and you’re already involved and find yourself with this problem, please nip it early in the bud, and seek help. Speak to your doctor or use a confidential helpline. Don’t suffer in silence.
Tags: quick temper, abusive behaviour, domestic violence, warning signs , relationships
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