photo credit: doug88888

by Ed Philips

The decision to confront an alcoholic is never an easy one to make. The most important thing is you should never attempt it when the alcoholic is currently under the influence of alcohol. The confrontation should be planned when he or she is sober. Confronting an alcoholic is sometimes called an intervention and must be carefully planned according to recommended expert guidelines, preferably those issued by a knowledgeable organization like Al-Anon which is the support group for family members of alcoholics. Also, prior to confronting an alcoholic, you should check with the person’s doctor or a specialist in treating alcoholic disorders to determine how to prepare yourself and any others who might be helping you to confront a drinker about whom you are concerned. We have listed nine tips that may be helpful in preparing for an intervention.

Instead of formulating a confrontation plan on your own, see what the experts advise by talking to the Al-Anon association in your area. People there can advise you how to plan the intervention, and provide useful resources and information, too. If Al-Anon is unavailable in your area, make an appointment with a licensed therapist, counselor, or psychologist to discuss the nature of the problem and how it might best be approached. Although confronting an alcoholic can be similar in many respects for many families, it is a good idea to clarify unique circumstances or personal characteristics that could make a difference on the outcome.

You might find yourself wanting to berate and condemn a loved one should they come home intoxicated yet again. This fails to be productive as the drunk will ignore the criticism while under the alcohol influence and most likely forget about it the following when day when sober. It is crucial to talk to the person when sober and with a bit of luck, open to the idea of hearing your concerns. If a spontaneous opening should not happen, try to schedule a talk after dinner or when the two of you have some privacy and cannot be interrupted.

Your supporters can be other relatives, close friends, or even members of Al-Anon with whom you have become acquainted, since they may have been in similar circumstances as you at some point. They may even decide to join you in confronting the alcoholic in your family. But that will depend on you and the circumstances surrounding the person who drinks too much, as well as professional opinions about the situation.

When confronting an alcoholic, you can’t afford to be wishy-washy or indirect. Using a factual tone of voice, simply lay out the problematic situation, using examples of the drunkard’s problem behavior and ensuing results. You may need to list dates, frequency of bad behavior, amounts of alcohol consumed or sums of money spent on drinking, and other data to support your claims. It takes courage to confront an alcoholic, so don’t back down. If the alcoholic argues with you, remain calm and point to the facts.

People often enable an alcoholic, allowing him or her to stay in that way by letting them sidestep responsibility and manipulate others to ignore his misdeeds or cover for him at work or in public. If you are one of the enablers the alcoholic may assume he can have his way again to get out of the intervention without making any changes. A huge part of an intervention’s potential for success is the family member who arranges it being able to change, too. A person who wants to help must not continue to enable the alcoholic to abuse alcohol. Stand your ground and most importantly, don’t let the alcoholic bully or wheedle you into giving up.

Coupled with confronting an alcoholic with the consequences of his behavior is the need for a plan of recovery. If you are working with Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon, they can help you with making arrangements for a problem drinker to enter a rehabilitation program, either onsite at a facility for this purpose, or as an outpatient in a local clinic or support group. In some cases, a halfway house might be an appropriate alternative. Find out ahead of time if a particular detoxification program will accept the problem drinker you are working with, and make preliminary arrangements for the person to be admitted immediately following the intervention. Make it clear that you cannot guarantee the drinker will enroll, much less stay with the program, unless he accepts the program as part of his new life of abstaining from drink.

Should the alcoholic agree to go enter rehab, family members should try to offer support and encouragement throughout the detoxification phase and rehabilitation program. This should involve patient and family education as well and can last anywhere between several days to several months. Many programs last 28 days or less, due to people’s job and family responsibilities, and some of the rehabilitators can carry on as a non-resident while continuing career and household duties. No matter how the program is designed, love, acceptance, and willingness to support changes in lifestyle speak volumes toward helping the alcoholic become successful in rehabilitation.

As mentioned briefly above, family members living with an alcoholic must be willing to take responsibility for their behavior and make necessary changes, too. Adjustments might include refusing to cover for an alcoholic’s inability to go to work by reporting him absent, paying bills that the drinker should pay when he has spent his paycheck for alcoholic beverages, and letting the drunkard abuse or terrorize the family by acts of recklessness or violence. Sobriety can actually make life harder for the drinker and his family as everyone adjusts to new rules and learns how to follow through consistently. Some ex-drinkers can be ill- tempered, demanding, and peevish, while others may act guilty, embarrassed, or repentant.

Results may not appear automatically after confronting an alcoholic. The drinker may fluctuate between being in favor to rehab and resisting it, or he may enter rehab but leave early or relapse after finishing the program. Unfortunately, there is no guaranteed. After confronting an alcoholic, all you can do is maintain your points and wait for the drinker’s reaction. That alone will decide the conclusion of your intervention. If the drinker chooses not to pursue treatment or it proves ineffective, the family should continue to receive counseling and support as they make decisions about the future.

Living with an alcoholic is one of the hardest things to do. Their uncontrolled drinking causes problems that can affect family members and other people. It can be difficult for relatives to dissociate themselves from the drinker and establish effective boundaries between his behavior and theirs to avoid unhealthy enmeshment. But with education, professional support, and courageous conviction, family members can learn to practice tough love when confronting an alcoholic to give that person a fair shot at recovery. An intervention may be the first step toward acknowledging a problem and doing something about it that can make a positive difference in the lives of a problem drinker and his loved ones.

Learn how to Stop Drinking Alcohol In 21 Days – Assured by expert Ed Philips and find further help here to help you Stop Drinking Alcohol.

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