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Bullying in school, especially pre-school is something we must watch out for. We would all like to believe that when our toddlers go off to pre-school, visit daycare or have play dates that they are safe. In this day and age, we cannot afford to be so naïve. It is possible that your toddler can be physically and or emotionally harmed. Ask yourself if you would know the signs that would indicate your child is being bullied.

A recent survey reported that an astonishing 63% of children ages four through ten say they are or have been bullied by other children of the same or similar age. The same survey found that only 18% of these children’s parents or carers knew or suspected that their child was being bullied.

Bullying is defined as one person using his or her age, size, and aggressive nature to hurt and control other vulnerable children.

Bullies are people who have a very poor self-esteem and dominate others in a futile attempt to increase their sense of self-worth. Bullies can be any age, gender, or ethnic class. Young bullies, if their behavior is unchecked, become older bullies.

In children, the psychiatric diagnosis of Conduct Disorder is just the beginning of the development of cruel, dominating behavior, refusal to follow social and family rules, substance abuse beginning at a young age, gang affiliation, school suspensions and learning disorders, and a lack of remorse for their actions. As these children reach age 18, they are diagnosed with the Antisocial Personality Disorder; in most cases, this diagnosis results in criminal behavior.

An estimated 89% of prison inmates in this country are ASPD. This personality disorders are not “curable;” it’s indicative of deeply-ingrained personality characteristics.

The following is a checklist of symptoms that your toddler may exhibit if he or she is a victim of bullying in school:

- Depression; apathy, irritability, agitation, insomnia, low frustration tolerance, inability to concentrate, bed-wetting and lack of appetite.

- Fearfulness; reluctant to attend pre-school or play dates, crying, feigning illness.

- Questions about “What would happen if…”, and “If I don’t like Tommy, do I have to play with him?”

- Physical signs that seem suspicious; unexplained cuts, scrapes and bruises. When asked, the child makes up a story that isn’t consistent with the injury.

- Missing personal items; the child comes home without his or her lunch box, loss of small change, missing clothing, games, and favourite toys.

- Regressed behavior; acting younger than his or her age, speaking “baby talk,” clinging to parents, urinating or defecating in clothes, and wanting to eat baby food.

If your toddler exhibits any or all of these systems, the first thing you should do is ask the child if he or she is being bullied.

Make sure the child understands that he or she is not in trouble, and that it’s okay to tell this secret no matter if the bully has threatened further harm if the bullying is revealed. Reassure your child that everybody, including the bully will be safe.

Naturally, if your child is suffering bullying in school or at play dates, you’ll want to know where were the supposedly supervising parents or teachers? Once your child has divulged the secret, you have every right to ask the adults why they failed to supervise what was happening at their home or at pre-school.

Don’t send your child back to a home where adult supervision is so lacking that he or she is being hurt. If your child is being harmed in a pre-school, speak to the owner or top-level manager about the lack of supervision by the teachers. If you get no satisfactory answers, remove your child from the school and report the harm done to your child to your Child Protection Agency or Social Services.

Ages ago, the thought on bullying in school was “Fight it out and get over it”. Not so anymore. There are too many dangers that can’t be solved by the child standing up on his own against the stereotypical schoolyard bully.

You have to stand up for your child and show him that you will support him no matter what. Children need to know they can come to you with anything, no matter how horrible it might seem in their mind. You are their hero; you are the one who is ultimately going to save the day and keep them safe. Don’t let them down.

Technorati Tags: Antisocial personality disorder, Bullying, Child, Conduct Disorder, Health, mental health, Personality disorder, Substance Abuse

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Remember how your relationship was in the very beginning?

You stayed up all night talking about everything – your dreams and desires and even the things that scare or embarrass you. But then, as the relationship went a long, you stopped talking about so much. Everything became so heavy and meaningful.

In the beginning, things were great. There was a level of trust and open communication that created intimacy and understanding. So, what happened to that? Where did it go and how can you get it back?

I used to try to protect my partner from those heavy, bad moods and ugly thoughts. I went to my room and hung out until I felt like socializing again.

I thought I was noble in my ability to control what came out of my mouth.

I thought I was kind because I never let on what I was thinking.

But what I was doing was ruining my relationships. There was no relationship. I was cutting myself off from others and never allowing them to know me. They never knew what I was thinking or feeling or needing.

I was an island. A very lonely island.

I really thought that if I let people know the ugly thoughts, not only would they be hurt – but they would probably become angry and disown me – betray me, talk shit behind my back. I would be the outcast.

So I beat them to the punch! Hah! I’d banish myself to my own room (or apartment, as I got older). I’d banish myself to silence.

You can either have a N.I.C.E. (Not Interested in Connecting Emotionally) relationship… where you hide what is true out of fear. Or you can have an alive, real relationship with intimacy, compassion and understanding.

Some people withhold from their partner and add an extra zinger — they put on a show of pain and discomfort in order to punish them. It’s an effort to communicate just how much pain they’re in. But none of it’s verbalized. It’s a show of the pain.

When you start keeping secrets and withholding,.. when you cut off the sharing of life force between you,… you’re cutting off the intimacy in your relationship. Even if you think you’re protecting your partner from painful or embarrassing thoughts – it’s still destroying your relationship.

Relationships require sharing… both our dreams and desires along with our doubts and fears.

What are you feeling and what needs of yours are being met or not? …

I’m happy because my need for support in keeping our home is being met.

I’m disappointed because my need for partnership isn’t being met in the way we’re handling our finances.

I’m sad because my need for connection isn’t being met when you’re out with your friends every evening.

You can find out more about this style of intimate communication, along with other advice on building healthy, intimate relationships, at our website: www MagicRelationship dot com.

Another tip: when you offer your feelings and needs, it’s best to follow them with a request. If you offer them without a request, your partner won’t know why you’re giving them the information.

Do you want to be just heard?

Do you want advice?

Do you want to come up with a strategy for meeting your needs? Why the heck are you telling me this?

Often, a comment without a request will be taken as blame… which will lead to fixing, fighting or fleeing. Don’t leave your poor partner hanging.

Paul and I recommend asking, “Would you tell me what you heard me say?” (Avoid saying ‘could’- it implies they aren’t intelligent enough to repeat you. And avoid saying “What did I say?” because what you said and what they heard are two different things.)

And one more tip: don’t think that little behaviors are enough to be warranted as ’sharing feelings and needs.’ Fixing your honey a cup of coffee in the morning is very sweet, but it may not communicate your feelings of love and contentment like actually verbalizing the information. “I love you so much”, PLUS the cup of coffee goes much further.

Frowning and throwing around the bed covers while you make the bed may not adequately communicate your feelings and needs, either.

Instead, say: “I’m feeling disappointed because my need for support around the house isn’t being met. Would you be willing to discuss a way to help that would also meet your needs?”

There’s no room for misinterpretation there.

Try it out this holiday season: make a pact with your beloved to share absolutely ALL your feelings and needs for one day – the good, the bad and the ugly. Then follow the information with a request.

Be prepared to spend some time processing and discussing those feelings and needs as they come up.

However, try to avoid getting into BLAMING and ‘FAULT’ behind the feelings and needs. That tends to end up in a free-for-all about evaluations and judgments – who’s right and who’s wrong. Try to stick with feelings, needs and requests.

Try to do this on a day when you’ll have the time.

You won’t want to get cut off because you have to run to pick up the kids right when you’re getting to the heart of an issue that’s snuck up silently between you.

You’re going to want to stay and hold each other and talk it through… and feel the intimacy of clearing out all of those old, crusty feelings and unmet needs that have been clogging the flow of love.

And, again, you can find out more about this style of intimate communication for relationships, at our website – www MagicRelationship dot com – a along with advice on building healthy relationships.

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Kristin Denton & Paul Sterling teach Relationship Communication Skills – Live Seminars or Tele-Classes including – 4 Steps To Instant Intimacy & Understanding – Relationship-Wrecking Mistakes -To get a free copy of ‘The 5 Mistakes Report’ go to www.magicRelationship.com/freeaccess
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Technorati Tags: Christmas and holiday season, Health, Intimacy, Intimate relationship, mental health, Pain, relationships, Self-Help

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Attention Deficit Disorder with Hyperactivity ADHD is a mysterious condition the cause of which is not readily known. The fact that you are reading this article may suggest that you have some suspicions about perhaps some unusual behaviour that you have recently noticed in your child, which is causing you concern as to whether or not they may be displaying symptoms of the disorder.

If you’re feeling a bit bewildered, lost, or helpless about what you should do if you suspect your child may be ADHD, here are some facts and opinions which may help you.

There are many theories about just how this condition may be caused. These theories include the possibility of the condition being a hereditary brain abnormality, but so far are there has been no definite conclusion as to the cause. What is known is that ADHD is not connected to what the child eats, and is not affected or cured by diet. Personally I’m not sure whether this means that additives do not play a part, however I would suggest that food additives certainly would not be beneficial to the condition.

So what are the primary symptoms of ADHD?

The primary symptoms include inability to listen and follow directions, lack of attention, impulsive behaviour, restless body movements and fidgeting, an abnormal level of noise making, constant talking, forgetfulness, and always moving about from one thing to another in succession with a lack of concentration for any length of time on one subject or object.

A lot of parents would say that this is may just be a stage they go through at two years old, and in a lot of cases this behaviour gradually resolves itself over the following year. However in some cases it does not resolve and it starts to become obvious that there is a cause for concern. If the behaviour reaches a proportion where it becomes clear that the child may be socially and intellectually impaired, then a consultant paediatrician or child development specialist should be approached for a diagnosis.

So what do I do if I suspect my Child has ADHD?

If you suspect your child has ADHD, you must consult a pediatrician and a child development specialist as soon as possible to confirm the diagnosis. Once diagnosed, you’ll need to be aware that there are certain choices regarding treatment for your child. Traditional ADHD drugs are Ritalin, Cylert and Dexedrine.

These drugs are powerful stimulants and unfortunately come with some side-effects which include irritability, insomnia, and possibly stomach pain, increased blood pressure, and sensitivity to sunlight. It might not seem sensible to give a child who is suffering from ADHD a stimulant, however medical research would seem to indicate that in children and adult’s stimulants help the sufferer to focus and concentrate.

Another choice is the latest medication for the treatment of a ADHD, a drug called Strattera. Strattera is not a stimulant unlike Ritalin, so you won’t be faced with any of the stimulant related side effects. Strattera has been proven to be effective with adults, but not enough testing has been done to provide proof of effectiveness with children under six years of age. It is however becoming a favourite choice of medication.

Overall you have four options. Decide to go with traditional stimulant drugs, and the side-effects that go with that or, the non FDA approved Strattera. If you go for either of those choices you should still closely watched your child for any adverse side effects. Your third choice is to simply keep your child on traditional medicine until they are over six years of age, and then consider Strattera.

The fourth and final option is much more difficult. That option is to choose behavioural methods of controlling your child’s ADHD, without using any medication. This is an extremely challenging and difficult choice to make as a means attempting to best manage the child’s behaviour 24 hours a day.

At least if you know the likely options, then knowing the facts will enable you to best act in the interests of your own child.

Tags: attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity, attention deficit disorder



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Technorati Tags: ADD and ADHD, attention deficit disorder, attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity, Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, Disorders, FDA, Food and Drug Administration, Health, mental health, Ritalin